Blogs N' Roses: The Placenta Stone Language Software to Get Laid

The Placenta Stone Language Software to Get Laid

BnR Products Inc is branching out into the Language Teaching realm. We are cornering the market on teaching you a new language. The Rosetta Stone software is the gold standard of language learning tools, however, they teach you book language. You don't want to talk like a fag and like your shits all retarded. You want actual phrases that can help you get laid. That is why we are proud to announce our language expert, Kevin Federline, and our language software: The Placenta Stone.

The Placenta Stone is an all inclusive "getting laid bundle" for those travelling abroad. We had to determine which languages would warm blooded, dick sinking American males have the best luck at nabbing that foreign pussy. That is why we signed on Kevin Federline; because honestly if he can't teach us Portuguese who can?

You will learn key phrases like:

Popozao - bring your azz
QueremSex - I want sex
Eu tenho um penis grande - I have a big penis
Eu gosto de gatos lambendo - I like to lick cats*

*Some English derogatory terms like pussy or cock do not necessarily translate to actual Portuguese words. We used euphemisms, which we guarantee will work in the club scene of Rio.

This is only a sampling of what The Placenta Stone can do for you. But don't just take our word for it. Here is Humbert Humbert (yes his real name Google him).

"I went to Vietnam and used the The Placenta Stone to get caught up on the terminology I would need to successfully navigate the seedy underbelly of the child sex slave industry. I used a few key phrases from the Placenta Stone and had a nine year old girl in my hotel room six minutes later. For example, I only had to utter Tôi muốn cô con gái nhỏ and the little girls were at my door. Thanks Placenta Stone!"

Our supurb language levels take you from the foreplay to the act and then the "get the hell out" phase of your hookups. Each phase is broken down like this:

Level 1

Level 1 is what we call the "PopoZao" or "Get Your Azz" phase of the hookup. You will learn key phrases to let a member of the opposite sex know you are interested in dropping anchor in their Santa Monica Pier.

Level 2

Level 2 is generally an optional phase, but we recommend buying it. This is the nasty talk during the act. You could just position your Brazilian conquest into reverse cowgirl, but how about you be a nice guy and ask her to assume the position. Level 2 helps you communicate during this hot, steamy phase.

Level 3

Level 3 is a must buy. After delivering your super seed to the hopefully shielded womb of a Cantonese woman, you need to kick her out of your hotel room. You should beat her with the leather whip until she leaves, but how about you be a gentleman and ask her to leave.

Look for our special add-on packages for those into Bondage and Sadomasochism. This is a separate add-on as not everyone needs to know how to ask a woman to shove a pig tail dildo in their ass and carve their flesh like a rustic farmer.

The Placenta Stone will revolutionize the way you learn language and hook up abroad. Give us a shot. If you aren't laid using our language system, we will upgrade your account at no additional charge. If you mention this advertisement during checkout (keyword: BlogsNRoses), we'll give you 10% off your first purchase.