Introducing the Alice in Chains Angry Chair for Kids
From the minds that brought you KISS-pons (tampons) and KISS ASS, are branching out into other band marketing schemes. We are happy to introduce the Alice in Chains Angry Chair for Kids. Here is their marketing slick:
Do you have a time out chair or a time out stair where you send your child when they are misbehaving? Do you often find your child wiggling around and not paying attention to their misdeed? Well BnR Products IncorporatedTM has the perfect solution for you - the Alice in Chains Angry Chair for Kids.
Most times an unruly child just won't sit still and contemplate the actions that caused them to receive a time-out or the playful slap on the rear. The Alice in Chains Angry Chair, will compassionate constrain Junior so he can think about his mistakes. Nothing is more annoying when you have to see your child wiggling around the chair, whining or groveling about "never doing it again." The Angry Chair will force them to focus on the act like Alex from Anthony Burress' A Clockwork Orange.
The Angry Chair has been carefully molded using all organic plastic and foam from Alice in Chain's hometown of Seattle, Washington. The careful attention to detail is evident the moment you sit in the chair or have to restrain your wily child. The Angry Chair has thick leather belts similar to the ones used to tie off the veins of one Layne Staley. But don't take our word for it, here is Fred Heinemann:
I thought the belts were going to be too rough for Fred Jr. tiny arms. I was pleasantly surprised that the belts had several notches and fit his small arms perfectly. If those belts were effective enough to expose Lanyne Staley's collapsed veins, they certainly are durable enough to restrain Fred Jr.
The Alice in Chains Angry Chair is made with the finest Corinthian foam found in most Chrysler vehicles in the '70s. You won't have any qualms smacking your child's bottom, knowing the Corinthian foam will be hugging their buns like Jerry Sandusky in a locker room.
The Angry Chair has a strong, metal bass (base) inspired by the thick, heavy bass playing of Mike Inez. No longer will you have to worry about the Dora The Explorer green chair toppling over with the vigorous thrashing your tantrum laden child is tossing around. The base is strong enough to sustain a 160lbs (72.5 KG) man thrashing about.
The chair has been through several trials with the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections and has successfully restrained drunkards, Meth addicts, spitters, and the occasional swallower. It is back by a lifetime guarantee that the restraints and the chair will never break.
Look out for other products for children from BnR Products Incorporated like The Bon Iver Potty Trainer and the Skrillex Kitchenette set complete with Corn Skrillex grilling utensils.
Do you have a time out chair or a time out stair where you send your child when they are misbehaving? Do you often find your child wiggling around and not paying attention to their misdeed? Well BnR Products IncorporatedTM has the perfect solution for you - the Alice in Chains Angry Chair for Kids.
Most times an unruly child just won't sit still and contemplate the actions that caused them to receive a time-out or the playful slap on the rear. The Alice in Chains Angry Chair, will compassionate constrain Junior so he can think about his mistakes. Nothing is more annoying when you have to see your child wiggling around the chair, whining or groveling about "never doing it again." The Angry Chair will force them to focus on the act like Alex from Anthony Burress' A Clockwork Orange.
The Angry Chair has been carefully molded using all organic plastic and foam from Alice in Chain's hometown of Seattle, Washington. The careful attention to detail is evident the moment you sit in the chair or have to restrain your wily child. The Angry Chair has thick leather belts similar to the ones used to tie off the veins of one Layne Staley. But don't take our word for it, here is Fred Heinemann:
I thought the belts were going to be too rough for Fred Jr. tiny arms. I was pleasantly surprised that the belts had several notches and fit his small arms perfectly. If those belts were effective enough to expose Lanyne Staley's collapsed veins, they certainly are durable enough to restrain Fred Jr.
The Alice in Chains Angry Chair is made with the finest Corinthian foam found in most Chrysler vehicles in the '70s. You won't have any qualms smacking your child's bottom, knowing the Corinthian foam will be hugging their buns like Jerry Sandusky in a locker room.
The Angry Chair has a strong, metal bass (base) inspired by the thick, heavy bass playing of Mike Inez. No longer will you have to worry about the Dora The Explorer green chair toppling over with the vigorous thrashing your tantrum laden child is tossing around. The base is strong enough to sustain a 160lbs (72.5 KG) man thrashing about.
The chair has been through several trials with the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections and has successfully restrained drunkards, Meth addicts, spitters, and the occasional swallower. It is back by a lifetime guarantee that the restraints and the chair will never break.
Look out for other products for children from BnR Products Incorporated like The Bon Iver Potty Trainer and the Skrillex Kitchenette set complete with Corn Skrillex grilling utensils.
Posted by Craig Wettner at 1/12/2012 2:10 PM 
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: BnR Products Incorporated Alice in Chains
Categories: uncategorized
Tags: BnR Products Incorporated Alice in Chains
Id buy one for my kids.
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My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch. / wwwirmocosmeticdentistcom
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