When I was 13 years old, I had a 14.4k dial up modem. It took forever to download a pornographic image, let alone a 10 second movie. So back in my day as an early writer, I used to write sexual fantasy stories about all kinds of scenes that turned me on at the time (teacher/student, high school senior/freshman, priest/alter boy) I was able to get some of them published on a site called nifty.org way back in the day.

A second activity I did to pass the time when I wasn't masturbating furiously in front of windows in hopes a hot girl would drive by and see me, I changed the lyrics of songs to make them as dirty as possible. However, I tried to change just ONE major word and have the complete meaning of the song change. I remember my first one was Love Rollercoaster by The Ohio Players. I changed the word Rollercoaster to Anaconda. See how that changes the lyrics:

Anaconda of Love, anaconda
Anaconda of Love, anaconda
Anaconda of Love, anaconda

Your love is like an anaconda baby, baby
I wanna ride
Your love is like an anaconda baby, baby
I wanna ride

And the song repeats itself almost to infinity. The thought of a man wanting to ride a big anaconda of love was humorous to me at 13. Hell, who am I kidding, it still is hilarious to me. But today, there was a Smoking Gun article about two men who raped a woman using a big snake. When I read the story I was transported back to my halcyon days of youth when I created a song about love anacondas. Never did I think it would come true.