The news has come down and Vince Neil, or Vince Meal as I will now call him since he can't stop eating whatever is in front of him, will be on Skating with the Stars. I am trying to find an upside to this and all I got is "At least this isn't Driving with the Stars."

This plot failed on Fox several years ago because it is fucking hard to actually learn how to skate. They should use hockey players like that movie The Cutting Edge.

The plot of this show will be to take stars, and that is a looser term than a twink at a San Francisco Gay Pride Parade. They take these amateurs who have never skated before and pair them with professional skaters in an attempt to see who will be the best skater. There will be a lot of falling down, fucking up, and I won't be watching.

Vince Meal was the man back in the day. He could fuck your girlfriend and you would thank him for it. He would drink all your booze and you would be damn proud of it and he was a man you would be honored to do some blow with. Now he had a face lift, he is lazier than a World of Warcraft player, and the guy still can't drive. God it sucks getting old.

To amuse myself, I took several Motley Crue standard titles and made them into skating puns for Vince Meal's inevitable cover album of Crue classics. Here is the tracklisting I came up with, if you have any others please add them:

Twirls Twirls Twirls
Shout at Nancy Kerrigan
God Bless the Children of Elvis Stojko
Kickstart my Triple Lutz
Don't Go Away Tonya Harding
Hell on Skates
Come On and Skate
Dr. SkateGood

Another of my childhood heroes is dead.

Razzle
Steven Tyler (Replaced by a Cyborg Lip Machine)
Vince Neil (Replaced by Vince Meal)
John Entwistle
George Harrison
Gary Coleman