I heard the trollop of cloven footsteps outside my front window this morning. I looked outside and saw a black cloaked figure with a scythe. I opened the window a crack and asked, "Already?" Knowing that this Ring Wraith fellow had to be one of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse.

His dusty cloak shook as he slowly revealed his white skull. He laughed and said, "No, but it is almost time. Warn the masses." I said, "But we haven't any signs yet." To which this horsemen asked, "Don't you check the news? The other horsemen are in Haiti reeking havoc and I am here to announce Jessica Simpson is co-writing a song with Billy Corgan."

I was dumbstruck. The Whore of Abilene, Texas has ridden in to Babylon (apparently located in Chicago) to work with the Bald Jesus of Alternative? Jessica Simpson is indeed co-writing a song with Billy Corgan. I began to weep.

"One of the 90's best songwriters is teaming up with one of the naught's worst singers. The end of the world is surely upon us." I began to repent my sins to God.

But just as I did, an angel bathed in only a white shower curtain, escaped my basement covered in blood and semen. How did she escape, I had the knots tied in DOUBLE KNOTS? She said "Craig, don't fret. Billy is only allowing Jessica to ACT like she is helping him. It is like your four year old child you let type on the computer. You tell her she is a big help because you don't want to discourage her. By the way, I have called the cops."

This prostitute was right. Billy couldn't really be letting Jessica Simpson write a song. He's too smart for that. He just doesn't want to lose the glorious boobage. And even if he does, the album/song is free.

Article about Jessica and Billy here.