Glenn Danzig and Doyle Von Frankenstein are back together. No, not as the Misfits, but as high Catholic church Patriarchs. With the 2012 disaster less than two full years away, the Catholic church is trying to get its numbers up to fight the onslaught of Satan's minions bound to flood Earth like the HIV virus invading T-Cells.

But don't worry, the Catholic Church has a contingency plan to cleanse the world of evil like a Cinnamon douche cleaning a man's hole before anal coitus. That contingency plan is the dynamic duo of Danzig and Doyle.

The Pope is trying to reach out to the Black metal and Occult crowd to "save" them and what better way than Danzig and Doyle?

"I am tired of Satanists burning all of my churches in Scandinavia" said Pope Benedict in a radio interview with this site. "If I get some of their heroes to be ambassadors of good, the children might begin to see the light and be saved before John Cusack releases that crappy movie or at least before the real ending of the Earth in 2012."

What will Doyle and Danzig's new roles be? Danzig official title will be The Lordi Catholic Patriarch of Jersey. Danzig will be solely responsible for New Jersey and getting those out-of-control, fist pumping Guido to see the light and give up their demonic AXE body spray, quaffed hair, and wife beater wearing ways. This won't be easy.

"I am fighting against generations of gross Italian offenders. If I can save just 1/3 of the fake mobster, Guido, I have been successful. I was born in New Jersey and am part Italian. I don't act like them at all. Maybe they can see me as a viable role model." says Danzig to the Trentonian.

Doyle will have a more difficult task. Doyle's official title will be The Tampus Catholic Patriarch of Scientology. He will be in charge of not only converting soup can holding Scientologists to Catholicism, but also exposing the church as a pyramid scheme. He has also been a Patriarch the longest, being appointed by Pope John Paul II.

"His current Holiness felt I was the best one to take on David Miscavige and the Church of Scientology. I don't know why as I love John Travolta and Tom Cruise, but I am not one to question His current Holiness." said Doyle to the Tampa Bay Gazette.

We wish Danzig and Doyle luck in their new endeavors.