You read the title of this and thought, who the hell is Dr. Samuel Klemschmidt and why is he being interviewed by these dumbasses. Dr. Klemschmidt is the priest you see in the Alice in Chains video for No Excuses. You can see him around the 2:15 second mark of the video.

Why would we want to interview him? Well with the newly reformed Alice in Chains heading out on the road, why the hell not.

BnR: Hi Dr. Klemschmidt, may I just call you Doc?

Klemschmidt: No.

BnR: Ok, Dr. Klemschmidt. Are you a real doctor?

Klemschmidt: No, I am a professional actor. You can see my work in Viagra advertisements, Cialis advertisements, and AARP advertisements.

BnR: Since you got to be in one of the creepiest Alice in Chains videos, how was the experience?

Klemschmidt: It was hectic. We only had two days and a very limited budget. I was on set for maybe an hour max just doing my part.

BnR: Was that because you are a professional and knew what you were supposed to do or was your rate too high and the record company couldn't afford your talents?

Klemschmidt: [laughs] Both actually.

BnR: I was in catholic school at the time the video was released and I was being touched by Father Clemento. He looked a lot like you did in the video when touching me. Did you know Father Clemento or did you channel him for your performance?

Klemschmidt: I am sorry to hear that about your childhood. No, I didn't know Father Clemento, I was actually trying to think of someone like Dracula or Father Merrin from The Exorcist. The under-lighting really helped highlight the older lines on my face for a more menacing effect.

BnR: Actually seeing you sitting across from me, I have to be honest, I want to punch you. I want to punch you because you still look like Father Clemento to me.

Klemschmidt: I assure you I am not Father Clemento and I think you might want to see a psychiatrist or something about this.

BnR: Will you touch me inappropriately?

Klemschmidt: What?!

BnR: I am sorry about that. So did a lot of roles open up for you.

Klemschmidt: Yes, I was in a few big movies, but sadly uncredited. I was in Don't Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood. I was also in a Japanese comedy horror movie called Yi wu Shao ya Gui or 1993: Year of the Vampires. I am pretty proud of that work because I was the one of the head vampires.

BnR: Did you get a chance to meet any members of Alice in Chains?

Klemschmidt: Well I was only the set for an hour, like I said, but yes, I got to meet two of them. I met Jerry Cantell.

BnR: You mean Cantrell.

Klemschmidt: Oh right, Jerry Cantrell. He was really nice and seemed to be the driving force of the band. He knew what he wanted and the image he wanted to push in the video. Him and the director Matt Mahurin worked well together and knew what they wanted. I was just one piece of the puzzle.

BnR: Who was the other member?

Klemschmidt: Well I briefly met Slain. He was very distant and his lips were always dry. I remember that about him. I tried to talk to him, he seemed like a nice guy, but he was never really there mentally.

BnR: His name was Layne and he was probably on drugs.

Klemschmidt: Oh, well I never saw him do any drugs I just thought he was a quiet dude.

BnR: Maybe your creepy appearance scared him.

Klemschmidt: Or maybe he was touched by Father Clemento.

BnR: Touche Dr. Klemschmidt. The time is yours what would you like to promote? Anything you want our readers to know about you or buy from you?

Klemschmidt: Anything?

BnR: Sure we have progressive readers.

Klemschmidt: Well I would like to talk about Scientology for a minute.

BnR: No. Thanks Dr. Klemschmidt for your time.