My grandmother was never an optimist. Wherever kids were having fun she was there shitting on that fun. Summer was a particularly dark time for her because the kids were out in droves walking across her lawn, leering at her with their kid eyes, and working in her favorite stores.

She always used to say that July 4 was when summer was halfway over despite having almost two full months left of summer. "July 4! Summer is halfway over" she would say with a gleam in her eye and a snake-bit tone to her voice. Well in honor of her venom and hate, we are going to turn that into a positive. We are ranking our top five unsigned or unheard of bands that sent us their EP.

To qualify for this, you have to be an unsigned or sans major label backing and sent us your EP either in the mail or by email. We do a year end wrap up that ranks the top ten (or however many I feel like writing), but since summer is halfway over, we are doing half of ten, which is five last time I checked.

5. Sonic Shock's Lord of Pussy EP



These degenerates sent their EP in with no name. This makes it really hard to review because we can't call it by any name. We decided to give it one that was akin to the sound and fury found in the music.

Saturated in booze, sleaze, and pussy juice, this band are the lords and saviors of sleaze rock by way of America's Hat - Canada. Blues licks, cowbell, and songs about sex define their sound. You can read our review here.

4. Razorblade Skin's EP



Hailing from the dark, dank side of Philadelphia's underbelly, Razorblade Skin is a supergroup of sorts. It is fronted by Mikey from the Primadonnaz, who also writes all of the music. The band sounds like Wednesday 13 meets Alice Cooper, with a stage show that includes smoke, laser lights, and kick ass artwork designed by Mikey. You can read our review of the show here.

This EP hasn't left my daily iPod rotation. I listen to it at least once a day. The only problem I have with the EP is the poor recording quality, but considering Razorblade Skin doesn't really have the budget for a monumental 13 year recording process, I can accept it.

3. Midnite Social - Album



The Massachusetts band makes pussies wetter than the 65 million gallon tank at Sea World. Cock-sure riffs, lyrics about being inside women, and sex thumping rhythm, lead this album to number three on the list.

You can read our entire review here. It loses points for the rap song, but otherwise a solid effort.

2. Diemonds - In the Rough



Smoking hot front-woman, Guns N' Roses like sound, and gutter enthusiasm make this EP on the the year's best. I use this EP to pump myself up before a show, before going to the bar, or before stepping into a whorehouse. You can read our full review here.

1. Voodoo Johnson - Into the Red



Voodoo Johnson sent their EP to us from across the pond. They are in England. I don't know how they were able to do it, but this EP has it all. Excellent recording, great music, and it helped me get laid. What more can you ask for? This EP has surpassed daily listening and has made it into my head. I mentally play the songs when shopping at Target, selling drugs to 13 year olds in school zones, and punching babies. I use the lyrics to finish conversations and make references to those same songs. You can read my full review here.

Razorblade Skin withstanding, the other bands don't have the budget to tour near Philadelphia. That is a pity for us because we can't get a show review for these bands, where I am sure they excel. We will eventually have the budget to travel and see them, but until then they play constantly on my iPod and in my screwed up head.

I also must add that the ranking is totally arbitrary. It may change on any given day. These EP's are all stellar and rather than buying Nickelback or Green Day, you should support these guys.