Our lo-fi brethren have done it again. This time they have released an album that provides more bang for your buck than a condom...at least more guaranteed since that whore you brought home is more concerned about the cocaine than your cock. Von Hayes' Quartered Lots for the Umbrella Solider, out via State Capital Records, clocks in around nine total minutes, which is spread across seven songs.

This is the Von Hayes at their most melodic and memorable, which is hard to do in only nine minutes. The album starts out with the Any Professional Quality, which has a great distorted guitar riff pushing the song. The vocals are distorted as well, but not too much that cause problems with understanding. The song has a great chorus that got stuck in my head while watching amateur porn. I just kept thinking "man if this had any professional quality, I might be able to get off."

Between All Studs is an acoustic number, which is a welcomed breath of fresh air from the heavily distorted normality of the Von Hayes. This song only lasts one minute, which is a shame as I would have enjoyed a few more minutes of it. I love the guitar on this track the most.

Lizard Cake is great too, but for different reasons. It has the typical Von Hayes melodies, but with a really great guitar solo that lasts a full minute and a half of the two and a half minute song. The guitar and music continue moving along faster until the song just fades out.

Golden Ted is the best song on this album and it rounds out the album. It also is the most accessible song for those fans not familiar with lo-fi recording. The recording on this song is much clearer than the others. You can really hear Von Hayes' influences in this song. It has a great Neil Young grunge guitar, Bob Dylan like lyrics, and great harmonies. If you have only $0.99 it would be a tie between this song and Any Professional Quality for my money.

The great thing is for like four more dollars, you can have the entire EP. Check out Amazon for the MP3 download here. You can also learn more about the band and listen to a few of their tracks through their MySpace site.