Saturday was the second day of Rex Wettner's bachelor party. Luckily, we received permission from him to miss his second day of drinking to see The Dirty Pearls headline the Bowery Ballroom.

After an all night drink-a-thon in illustrious Hooker City (A.K.A. Atlantic City), Bob Wettner and I started to drive up the fabulous Hooker Avenue (A.K.A New Jersey Turnpike) toward destiny. What would have been a two hour power sail using the Pontiac Super Yacht, wound up being a four hour crawl. Traffic, exhaustion, and queasy stomachs were not to keep us from our ultimate goal: seeing The Dirty Pearls rock the Bowery Ballroom.

Thanks to the traffic, we missed the opening band - The Chainsaw Trio. I had a nice discussion about how to chop someone in the throat with the bassist Cassidy, which resulted in a dented refrigerator and Tommy London's Samson-like silver bracelets all over the backstage room. Tommy didn't seem pissed, but I was afraid that a mere mortal like myself touching the bracelets as I helped collect them might have an effect on his performance. Luckily, it did not.

The second band, Neil Nathan, were technically sound and excellent musicians. They even had some good songs, but they put on one of the more boring performances I have seen since Al Pacino in Gigli. I just don't think this band was right for the bill that was to follow. The Statues of Liberty and The Dirty Pearls are great, high energy live shows. Neil Nathan was an electric coffee shop performance.

The third band of the evening were personal favorites of this website, The Statues of Liberty. The trio (John Law, Prince Hal, and Hitomi) decided to dress up tonight opting for button down shirts and their best jeans instead of ripped tee shirts and leather jackets. It was a classy surprise and the perfect compliment to the simulated humping and songs about anal sex (or chocolate cake). The band debuted two new songs and they were instant classics. It was love at first note with these songs. It was like the first time I saw a wet tee shirt on Carmen Electra...instantly memorable and very pleasing to my penis. Yes, that's right, The new Statues songs were pleasing to my penis.



Anyway, I have seen the Statues many times and every times they have given an awesome performance. They don't hold back and always try to rock your girlfriend's loins with distorted guitar and bass and power drumming. She will be visibly vibrating from the music and the stage show, she might want to leave right after they are done.

But they were not the headliners. That honor was given to The Dirty Pearls. My first inclining that this wasn't going to be an ordinary Pearls show was when security asked me to stop licking up Prince Hal's sweat off the floor and stand aside as they moved the ego ramp into place. That's right, The Dirty Pearls have added a catwalk, as some may call it, to this performance. I was dripping with anticipation as to how it was going to be used. Used it was, by every band member except Marty E (obvious reasons) and Doug.

Richie started the band's performance off with a rip roaringly great solo from Bruises. His fingers bending, tapping, and strumming the strings to signify The Dirty Pearls are here and you will bow down to NYC's new Rock Royalty.



From there, The Dirty Pearls put on a clinic on how to deliver a hot, sticky, sweaty, and crotch throbbingly great rock show. The women loved it, including the Brooke Hogan she-male who constantly played with her hair. The men enjoyed the amazing amount of great looking women. Not to be left out, the transvestites enjoyed pretending to be Brooke Hogan and pushing me out of the way to try and get closer look at Richie and Doug.



The Pearls played a few new songs, Ventilator Avenue, You're Not My Lady, and Don't Say A Word. Ventilator Avenue is not my favorite and having only heard it twice, I can't say exactly why yet. It just hasn't struck me like their own songs. You're Not My Lady is an instant Pearls classic, with the memorable harmonies, cheeky lyrics, and fantastic guitar work. Don't Say a Word is a blues tune that rolls into a crescendo rock tune. The bluesy part was boring, but the crescendo "bombast," as Marty called it in our interview, was enough to make me like the song.



The set was chock full of memorable moments including a very attractive big, beautiful woman, exposing herself to Tommy and him ad-libbing a few lines. There was much swooning, crooning, tight pants, and peacock kicking...and that was just in the audience.

We forgot our camera in the car because we are morons. Thankfully, we know someone who takes great pictures. All photos were taken by Carla Fredericks and are hers. Thanks Carla!

The night was another memorable performance and headlining show for The Dirty Pearls. Make sure you catch these guys before they start to headline arenas. Then you can say "I knew them when."