In our last installment we sexually interpreted the lyrics of the seemingly innocuous Chattanooga Choo Choo. I think the new title of this feature will be "Falsely Interpreting Lyrics."

Up this time is a song I recently heard at a wedding, the Java Jive. I was a bit intoxicated so naturally my thoughts went to sex. The song is about coffee on the surface, but you have to drill to the seedy underbelly to get to the real meaning.

It isn't hard to make hot coffee synonymous with sex, Grand Theft Auto helped that along with their Hot Coffee Mod for Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. In fact, just a search of Hot Coffee in Google, results in pictures of sexually explicit acts.

The song was originally performed by the Manhattan Transfer and those are the lyrics I am using to pull off this sexual stretch of your imagination. So get your latex hat on and take a look at these lyrics.

I love coffee, I love tea [I love sex, I love tea {bagging}]
I love the java jive and it loves me [I love sex and it loves me]
Coffee and tea and the java and me [sex and tea {bagging} and sex and me]
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup [a cup, a cup etc for boys]

I love java, sweet and hot [I love sex, sticky and hot]
Whoops mr. moto, Im a coffee pot [On no, Mr. Moto, I'm a sex pot]
Shoot the pot and Ill pour me a shot [Shoot in my pot and I'll pour you a child]
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup

Oh slip me a slug from the wonderful mug [Slip me a penis]
And Ill cut a rug just snug in a jug [reference to uncircumsized penis and her love of them]
A sliced up onion and a raw one [she prefers bareback sex]
Draw one -
Waiter, waiter, percolator [she's dripping wet]

I love coffee, I love tea
I love the java jive and it loves me
Coffee and tea and the java and me
A cup, a cup, a cup, a cup, a cup

Boston bean (soy beans) [description of the various types of testicles out there]
Green bean (cabbage and greens) [further description of testicles]
I'm not keen about a bean [she isn't much of a testicle fan]
Unless it is a chili chili bean (boy!) [unless it's a hot Mexican's testicles]

The song then repeats a bunch of the stanzas to reinforce the sexual tone, but you get the idea. This song is filthy and I can't believe it was sung at a wedding.