I arrived approximately twenty-five minutes past fashionably late, so I missed the part when the Eagles of Death Metal emerged from smoke of their 1971 Econoline van (with the wizard painted on the side) to take the stage at the Hard Rock. Some people rip on REO Speedwagon for their distinct “ugliness” but there is a new sheriff in town: The Eagles of Death Metal… the band that defies the conventions of stereotypical male beauty. The spectacle harkened back to the day when men were men and mustaches were the only way of differentiating the men from the women.

I expected the bitchin’ mustaches, unruly arm hair and old man Mohawks but the tight sound took me by surprise. The local meteorologist gave EoDM a 60% chance of sounding like a loose, ratty garage band but what the fuck do Nevada meteorolgists know, the weather only changes five times a year. This finely sculpted 100 decibel fury was a supercharged version of what you hear on the albums. EoDM evoked neither The Eagles nor death metal, just greasy rock riffs and Jesse Hughes’ trademark falsetto that bonded the ladies to the seats tighter than Gorilla Glue. Indeed the Eagles of Death Metal have come a long way since Jesse Hughes and Josh Homme recorded a raw demo in Hughes’ basement and called it Peace Love and Death Metal. Disappointingly the ginger Elvis, Josh Homme, was not behind the skins. Instead Joey “Sexy-Mexy” Castillo made his presence felt with help from a half-man, half-beast, half-Zorba the Greek on the bass. That’s right; he’s 150% beast by volume.

I’m bummed I missed “Miss Alissa” and “I Only Want You” but at least I saw some shit I never expected. I saw a man play the bass with a slide. Nice. I saw Jesse Hughes take a break to comb his mustache. Also nice. Then a wicked cat fight broke out during “Midnight Creeper” which made the show feel like a sleazy, minor league lesbian Altamont. To complete the effect, Jesse Hughes then ripped through The Rolling Stones’ “Brown Sugar,” a special dedication to Joey “Sexy-Mexy” Castillo’s parents who most likely conceived the lad while listening to side one of Sticky Fingers. Very Nice.

Is there a moral to this story? Fucked if I know but you should see the Eagles of Death Metal…because I said so.