The gratuitous manifestation of Gene Simmons’ ego, known to it's close friends as KISS, will be the latest victim of this shitty economy. The 2009 tour of North and South America, tentatively dubbed “Farewell Tour 18” will be expertly trimmed, shaved and plucked of any excess expense by ace bidniss man Gene Simmons. KISS will be cutting back from ten tour busses to a modest seven, which is the bear minimum required to transport Gene’s hubris. Gene was also forced to lay off Ace Frehley and Peter Criss who had been demoted to guitar and drum techs for Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer.

It’s not just the sluggish ticket sales for the 18th annual farewell tour which are putting the hurt on Gene’s purse. According to a very scientific survey, KISS merchandise sales have been on a steady 25% annual decline since the Dimebag Darrell estate flooded the market with used memorabilia.

Anyway, look for the Hebrew hammer to pound its way through Argentina and South America for the first time since the Psycho Circus tour waaaaaay back in the day. And remember, only you can prevent Gene Simmons from going broke. Do your part!