CBS has decided that it would be a great ratings stunt to have a concert and television special to announce the nominations for the Grammy Awards. The nominations for the Grammy Awards are actually worth more than winning a Grammy Award.

Remember, the winner of best new group went to Milli Vanilli, a group that didn't sing a damn note on their album? The other nominations that year, were not any better, but at least they were artistically unique (Tone Loc, Indigo Girls, Neneh Cherry, Soul II Soul).

Let's stick in the same category, but jump back further. Remember 1974? The Best New Artist was Bette Fucking Midler. She beat out, Marie Osmond, Maureen McGovern, Eumir Deodato, and mother fucking Barry White. Barry White was 1000x better than Bette Midler.

Let's switch categories. In 1989, The Grammy Awards created a new category for the blossoming Thrash movement. The category: Best Hard Rock/Metal Performance Vocal or Instrumental, looked like it was created specifically for Metallica's ...And Justice For All. However, "heavy metal" act, Jethro Tull won that year.

The whole Grammy award broadcast in Feb/March are just a giant record company circle jerk.

Stuck Up Record Exec 1: Hey Stan look at what we found this year? She's the best new artist. We had to use Pro Tools on her voice, we cleaned up her image to make her more wholesome, but she sold one million records this year and the buzz is huge behind her.

Stuck Up Record Exec 2: Yea well our established artist Nickelback just signed a multi year deal with Live Nation ensuring they will be touring for another 10 years. Their new album Dark Horse has sold over 500,000 copies despite the fact the CDs actually thrives on human flesh.

Stuck Up Record Exec 3: Well my artist never wins these things, is quite vocal in opposition of them, but still sells millions of records. His record just beat out Rich's Guns N' Roses album.

All three laugh at Guns N' Roses despite Chinese Democracy being better than all three albums combined even though it is not complete.

This is how I see the Grammy awards going. It is a giant handjob from RCA to Interscope to whoever. It works too so it is a proper handjob. Plebs run out to the stores and buy "Now That's What I Call Grammy Awards: Vol 700" and buy the winner's album.

I do think a nomination ceremony is important, because as I stated earlier, the nominations are important for getting serfs to buy albums. But this nomination ceremony has performances by Christina Aguilera and a couple of other people. WHY?! Am I not going to be subjected to their lip syncing during the actual broadcast of the Grammy Awards? Is one lip synced performance not enough for you?

The Grammys used to just announce them in a ceremony in LA, not televised, not full of boring performances. The Oscars just announce the nominations, why can't the Grammys?

I would be remiss if I didn't offer some type of legitimate way to spice up the broadcast. How about a performance artist who has studied G.G. Allin. This man will look like G.G., talk like G.G., and throw feces like G.G. That is what Christina Aguilera needs during her performance. If she isn't dodging human feces being flung at her platinum blond hair, then I am not tuning in. Work on that CBS.