It's been a tumultuous week in the Guns N' Roses vs. Velvet Revolver vs. Scott Weiland soap opera. Blabbermouth reports that RCA has dropped the pathetically inert Velvet Revolver. There's nothing like kicking a man when he's down, but VR deserve this kick to the ribs. I'm sure they won't have any trouble finding a label when they confirm that Sammy Hagar is their new lead singer. 

And now for BNR Horoscope: Guns N' Weilands Edition! 


Guns N' Roses Fans - Axl and his employees get an up arrow for the week. Chinese Democracy should hit store shelves in a few days and they have released two singles as well. Love or hate the new songs, at least Axl is finally putting his money where his rather large mouth is. You will enjoy a new period of sexual prosperity with a co-worker. Don't be shy, bang her in the copy room, you will not be terminated while Mercury is in the seventh house during Chinese Democracy's premier on the Billboard Charts.

Scott Weiland Fans - Scotty also gets an up arrow for the week. Like his foil Axl, Weiland is also releasing his solo album next week and isn't dicking around trying to find a band. He also gets some bonus points for streaming his entire album, Happy In Galoshes on his myspace page. The Weiland faithful will be rewarded with a great financial windfall with the planets properly aligned and Weiland at the height of his David Bowie mimicking. Use your money to go buy some make-up and platforms.

Velvet Revolver Fans - GIANT DOWN ARROW. Not wanting to be outdone by their former lead singers, Velvet Revolver have bitten off their nose to spite their face. They are akin to the picky 45 year old spinster that is still waiting for the right man to come along. No telling how long Venus will be eclipsed by Uranus, so stock up on Vaseline and tissues...this could be a long, dark drought.