Are you like me? Do you giggle and laugh when you hear someone say "It is your duty to vote" just because the person said "duty" which is another name for poop? Have you ever heard your grandmother ask "Is John coming?" and thought "Well I don't know Grand mom is John cumming?" If you are like that, I present to you our newest feature: "Reading Too Much Into Lyrics." I haven't worked out a good title for this segment yet, so any thoughts are appreciated.

This segment will take a seemingly innocuous song and read into it sexual innuendo, perversion, and necrophilia (if we are lucky). Note the song didn't have this intention in the first place, but hey lyrics are subjective and we can read what we want into them.

I was listening to my grand parents old records when I came across the soundtrack for Sun Valley Sernade, a 1941 movie starring Sonja Henie, Lynn Bari (distant aunt to wealthy Delaware business magnate Victor Bari), John Payne, Milton Berle, and the Glenn Miller Band. Most of the movies in that era were musicals and this movie was no exception. This movie spawned the multi-platinum hit "Chattanooga Choo Choo" by the Glenn Miller Band. Let's read more into this.

The Chattanooga Choo Choo tells a story of traveling from New York City to Chattanooga via the Southern Railway's Birmingham Special. However, the more modern take on a train is "a group of guys standing in a line outside a room, entering the room one by one to have sex with one girl inside. The line must have at least seven guys to be qualified as a train." (source) Armed with that information, let's take a quick listen to the song:




Now let's examine the lyrics:

Pardon me boys, is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo [referring to the bedroom]
(Yes, Yes, Track 29) [Boys respond yes in bedroom labeled with a 29]
Hey would you give me a shine [money shot on face]
(Can you afford to board Chattanooga Choo Choo) [Boys question her dedication and stamina]
I got my fare [she has been compensated nicely for the evening]
and just a trifle to spare [she will please all]
You leave the Pennsylvania Station by a quarter to four [arranges the time for the boys to engage in coitus with her]
you read a magazine and then you're in Baltimore [tells them to read a magazine and before they know it, they will be inside her dirty (reference to Baltimore's filth) va jay jay]
Dinner in a diner [there is a guy there to "clean her up" with his tongue]
and then to have a hammer in Carolina [followed by a large phallus-ed man]
shove all the coal in [African American phallic reference]
gotta keep a rollin' [keep on screwin']
woo-woo Chattanooga there you are [finally pulling the train]
there's gonna be
a certain party at the station
Satin and Lace (ooh) [what she is wearing]
I use to call a funny face [climax face]
she's gonna cry [probably from the deep coitus, fluid, and exhaustion]
until I promise to never ever roll [the last train she will pull]
so Chattanooga choo choo
won't you choo choo me home [someone make her climax]
get aboard [her behind]
Chattanooga choo choo
won't you choo choo me home [begging to have someone make her climax]
Let's dance