Some trashy gossip outlets are making a stink about A-Number-One Humanitarian and happily married Bono fraternizing with some scantily clad ladies on his yacht. Get over it, you muck-raking fuckers! Have you no decency? Bono isn't even relaxing on his vacation, he's still trying to save the world. Not only that, he's also saving these young girls from their virginity. If anything I'd be more concerned with the shady rapist in the background or the fact that these nubiles seem to be taking advantage of our sweet and innocent Bono. Shit, I bet he hasn't porked a groupie since he trimmed the mullet.



I'm sick and tired of people holding rock stars accountable for their own actions. They aren't responsible for the thousands of groupies that exploit them for their fame and wealth. They are victims. Ted Nugent didn't ask to be a polygamist. Terrible Ted is just playing the cruel hand fate dealt him. You sir, are a brave American. Another martyr is Ron Wood. Shit, Woodie is practically the suffering messiah of cheap groupie sex. Is Ron Wood a bad person for leaving his wife for that 19 year old cocktail waitress? NO! It wasn't Wood's choice, it was the girl's. If your Uncle Manny could get hot, tight, young action like Ron Wood, then he wouldn't still be boning Aunt Martha now would he? Do the math. Rock stars are hapless victims drowning in a sea of easy sex and loose females.

Rest assured, world. Bono has now freed them from the yoke of their virginity, thus making it safe for Ron Wood to woo these women. Expect Bono to receive the Nobel Defloration Prize sometime soon.









Life's a bitch, Ted!