I'm frustrated. The only thing I dislike more than Chinese Democracy is Dr. Pepper. We live in a cruel world and I want to share the ironic rain cloud that hovers above my head. 

Send your name, address (and naked pictures of your sister if applicable) to fuckdrpepper@blogsnroses.com. I will arrive at your door ala Publisher's Clearing House and award you with a swift kick to the groin. You will get complementary back-nut if you included the pics of your sister. Hell, I'll probably settle for pics of your cousin. If you send a copy of your free Dr. Pepper voucher or proof of purchase of Chinese Democracy then a member of the Blogs N' Roses staff will implement The Devastator*.

Drink up you bastards!

*The Devastator is a combination of back-nut and upward kick designed to inflict maximum pain on external genitalia.Offer good while supplies and anger last. Please send airfare directly to BNR staff. Offer void in Puerto Rico and Delaware.