Former Danzig Bassist Punched by Big and Rich
I am starting to realize that people who play with Danzig are doomed to get punched. I can't figure it out. Maybe it is because Danzig rarely wears a shirt and his house walls seep blood.
First it was Danzig getting blindsided by some coward motherfucker from the Northside Kings. He wasn't even arguing with the guy that punched him.
Now it is a former bassist getting punched. This one is worse though because Jerry Montano, former Danzig bassist, was punched by John Rich from Big and Rich.
Jerry is the guy on the right.
Here is John Rich:
The story goes that Friday morning at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood John Rich got into a skirmish with Jerry Montano. This resulted in John punching Jerry. This left Jerry with a bloody nose. When the police and paramedics arrived no one was taken to the hospital and no arrests were made because no charges were filed. Source.
But still if you get punched by John Rich, you need to do something bad ass quickly. Being the pinnacle of masculinity, I have a few options for Jerry so he can regain some cred.
1. Punch a child - This is totally unexpected and no one will question it. Kids are brats and get on the nerves of every adult. The basic assumption will be the kid deserved it. But there is this unwritten rule, some say taboo, that you can't hit a child that is not your own. Well screw that. Solution: Punch the air wildly. If a kid just so happens to step in that line of punches, well he/she deserves it.
2. Punch a woman - Are you ever casually dining at McDonald's? Well I am because I am poor and I constantly hear a woman yelling at someone in the back who is not doing their job or a woman yelling at her husband. Just waltz up to the woman and punch her in the breast. That will shock everyone and instantly increase the size of your balls. But I would recommend running shortly after punching her because women are vicious when they decide to fight and are very crafty. They can fashion their tampons into mini shanks and gut you quicker than a trout.
3. Find the biggest guy and kick him in the crotch - Find the tallest, most imposing man in the room, mall, psych ward and kick him in the pills. No man can withstand a swift kick to the crotch. I would recommend punching him in the throat, but you are contemplating these four options because you were punched by John Rich, so let's not go overboard with the macho act.The balls are quick, painful, and will drop him efficiently. If you have a bat with a few nails in it, smash it into his head like Escape from New York. The other people (inmates) SHOULD begin to shout your name.
4. Kick a helpless animal - This is the only one I have reservations about. A child, woman, and man, probably have done something to deserve that fist to the face or foot to the nads. An animal has done nothing but try to get through life and forage for food and love you. But that might just the be the reason it needs to be kicked. They can be so annoying when it is time to eat all that meowing, barking, and whining. Just punt them across the room. It will make you feel more badass.
First it was Danzig getting blindsided by some coward motherfucker from the Northside Kings. He wasn't even arguing with the guy that punched him.
Now it is a former bassist getting punched. This one is worse though because Jerry Montano, former Danzig bassist, was punched by John Rich from Big and Rich.
Jerry is the guy on the right.
Here is John Rich:
The story goes that Friday morning at the Mondrian Hotel in West Hollywood John Rich got into a skirmish with Jerry Montano. This resulted in John punching Jerry. This left Jerry with a bloody nose. When the police and paramedics arrived no one was taken to the hospital and no arrests were made because no charges were filed. Source.
But still if you get punched by John Rich, you need to do something bad ass quickly. Being the pinnacle of masculinity, I have a few options for Jerry so he can regain some cred.
1. Punch a child - This is totally unexpected and no one will question it. Kids are brats and get on the nerves of every adult. The basic assumption will be the kid deserved it. But there is this unwritten rule, some say taboo, that you can't hit a child that is not your own. Well screw that. Solution: Punch the air wildly. If a kid just so happens to step in that line of punches, well he/she deserves it.
2. Punch a woman - Are you ever casually dining at McDonald's? Well I am because I am poor and I constantly hear a woman yelling at someone in the back who is not doing their job or a woman yelling at her husband. Just waltz up to the woman and punch her in the breast. That will shock everyone and instantly increase the size of your balls. But I would recommend running shortly after punching her because women are vicious when they decide to fight and are very crafty. They can fashion their tampons into mini shanks and gut you quicker than a trout.
3. Find the biggest guy and kick him in the crotch - Find the tallest, most imposing man in the room, mall, psych ward and kick him in the pills. No man can withstand a swift kick to the crotch. I would recommend punching him in the throat, but you are contemplating these four options because you were punched by John Rich, so let's not go overboard with the macho act.The balls are quick, painful, and will drop him efficiently. If you have a bat with a few nails in it, smash it into his head like Escape from New York. The other people (inmates) SHOULD begin to shout your name.
4. Kick a helpless animal - This is the only one I have reservations about. A child, woman, and man, probably have done something to deserve that fist to the face or foot to the nads. An animal has done nothing but try to get through life and forage for food and love you. But that might just the be the reason it needs to be kicked. They can be so annoying when it is time to eat all that meowing, barking, and whining. Just punt them across the room. It will make you feel more badass.
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