This isn't Joe Elliott. This isn't what Joe Elliott did to the Stanley Cup. Clearly an attractive, underage celebrity can disgrace the Stanley Cup and get away with it. Unlike Ms. Panettiere, most hockey fans do not want to see Joe Elliott naked; ergo Mr. Elliott must issue some sort of apology or damn good excuse to stop the vengeful lynch party.

And this is it...
"I will, as always, take full responsibility for what happened because I have big pucks. However, someone at the NHL should have known better and informed me first instead of keeping the Stanley Cup under lock and key until the last minute. The practice run the day before with a coffeemaker went swimmingly because it, like every other sporting cup I've ever seen, was wider at the top than the base. Ironic, isn't it, that after that night's gig, a NHL insider told me that long ago the Stanley Cup was also designed to be put down that way? Like most of my fellow Brits, I'd never seen it before until it was handed to me sideways by which time I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Whoops..."

"Swimmingly?" That should have been the NHL's first clue. Those men aren't from around here and I've got a funny feeling that the Stanley Cup will be handled by these men in the future...




I weep for the future...