Really bored today? Catch up on the first three installments of our quest to penetrate the Rolling Stone Magazine empire by getting internships. If not, just pick up below.
Part I Part II Part III 

When we last left our heroes, the evil Jann Wenner had retained the vastly under-qualified Frances Bean Cobain as a summer intern while the Rolling Stone staff mulled over our applications for fall internships. I don’t imagine there was much mulling done. Those applications went right to the shit bin so Jann could pollute the minds of slightly hipper assholes with slightly “superior” resumes. “Look at me, I wrote for my school newspaper at my elitist Ivy League college and have a 4.0 average and wear this Obama pin on my nutsack, nanny-nanny-boo-boo.” Never mind that Jann Wenner was a lot like BnR when he first started Rolling Stone. Actually, we’re a step ahead. We didn’t drop out of college. Touché, Jann.

Anyway… Wenner became a pathetic sell-out and Blogs N’ Roses rules your school. Jann cast himself as the William Randolph Hearst of the 21st century while Rolling Stone devolved from respectable independence to shameless corporate swill. Rolling Stone Magazine is at the zenith of its circulation, but at the expense of integrity. Yep, the magazine is all pretty faces, coverage of lousy but popular bands and contrived political hipness. They put the fucking Jonas Brothers on the cover. Seriously Jann, the fucking Jonas Brothers? Shouldn’t Rolling Stone Magazine try to expose up and coming bands that could influence people and music instead of just glorifying mindless, disposable pop culture? Nah, there’s no money in that. Trust me.

The fall of Rolling Stone is merely a symptom of the disease. Objectivity in mainstream media has gone the way of the woolly mammoth and Peter Jennings’ smarmy Canadian smirk. Everyone seems to have an axe to grind on prime time television or in the pages of some illustrious publication. The news is no longer intended to inform, it has devolved into entertainment. Keith Olbermann gets attention by mocking Bill O’Reilly’s attempts to get attention. Does O’Reilly’s egg precede Olbermann’s chicken? I don’t know, but they should both drink a tall, cool glass of SHUT THE FUCK UP! Debate merely exists as a form of amusement and the talking heads only task is to reassure the opinions of their target audience. “Please, Keith, tell me how much you hate the president. That’s why I tuned in.” “Please, O’Reilly, whine about the so-called liberal media. I wouldn’t want to be subjected to a differing opinion.”

Traditional news is entertainment and entertainment news (i.e. The Daily Show, The Colbert Report) is now a legitimate channel of information and sometimes the last bastion of objectivity (at least in Colbert's case.) Stephen Colbert doesn’t passively tell you how to vote or which over-opinionated faction is right and/or wrong. When Nas protested outside of Fox New, Colbert didn’t passively take a side; instead he lampooned both. And Colbert was right. Nas was merely the mouthpiece for a political action group seeking attention and Fox News...well if I had to explain Fox News, you wouldn’t understand anyway. They are all wrong and they all have an agenda. Somewhere Jennings is riding a mammoth with that smarmy smirk waxing sentimental about those halcyon days when a man was a man and a Cronkite was a very ugly man.

We didn’t get the internships but that doesn’t mean we lose. Blogs N' Roses still wins because we actually try to give it to you straight. Shit, we don't get paid enough to lie. Guess what? The new Metallica sucks. No sugar coating. It sucks and I'm not going to buy it. The three songs I've heard either sound like a band of middle-aged pussies, a band of middle-aged pussies desperately trying to recapture their signature sound after spending the better part of two decades destroying it and a band of middle-aged pussies imitating Slayer. Sidebar: go buy a Slayer album since they didn't sell out... God still hates Load.

I'd rather listen to a band that isn't an over-bloated corporate endeavor. A band that writes music because they enjoy writing music and not because they are contractually obligated to do so. Who are these bands? Take a look, they're all over this fucking website. You know who you are.