It takes a lot to rip the pants off this music journalist. Ok actually it doesn't; a quick rape shower and my pants are gone. But that is what just happened to me. I took a rape shower with Von Hayes.

I must explain a bit. I didn't take a rape shower with Von Francis Hayes, outfielder and overall pussy magnet for the Philadelphia Phillies from 1981-1991. The Von Hayes I showered with was a local band from the tristate area who take their name from the phlegmatic Phillie. But unlike the real Von Hayes, this band has energy, life, and pizazz.

We live in an era where any hipster with a Mac computer can produce high quality recording without any effort. Ask Bob Rock how he produced Metallica's St. Anger. It is tiring to hear the same polished production over and over again. Enter Von Hayes with their debut album Evident Eyelid, which was released through State Capital Records.

The first thing to strike you is that this album was recorded not using high definition or even standard definion audio equipment. It was recorded using low-definition audio equipment (commonly called lo-fi) probably in the same prison used in Eli Roth's Hostel. I just imagine some European tourist about to have her Achilles tendon slashed and the band performing the first track Karen Dreams In Hardcore.

The band is a mixture of Neil Young inspired romps like Madison Arms and Bob Dylan infused rock like You Should Call Clyde. The distortion could be intentional or just accidental due to the recording, but somehow it makes the album better. The distortion provides Evident Eyelid an early Kinks feel.

Not one song lasts longer than three minutes - what this means is that the Von Hayes are a concise and efficient lovers. They get in and get out before you realize what has happened. They can convey their message clearly and wrap it in a tight package of distortion, power hooks, and lyrics you will find yourself singing days later.

Stand out hits from the album include, Boo Hoo, Ellen Degenerates, Fort Lords, and Superballs, but it is tough to choose a standout among 20 great tracks.

You should pick Evident Eyelid immediately. Don't give me any excuse about you having to pay for gas. There is public transportation; you can listen to the CD on the bus next to Murray the Molester.

You can buy the album directly from the band's MySpace site, Bert's Music & Videos on the 202 in Wilmington, or Tunes New & Used Compact Discs in Hoboken, NJ.