When I'm not watching Burt Reynolds movies I sit around in my bathrobe and obsessively try to guess who will be the next lead singer of Velvet Revolver. This way I can gloat if and when I'm right.

Slash and the lads have been very tight-lipped since Weiland's departure, probably to fuel speculation and get people talking. "Ohhh, their band is sooo fucking important...who will be the next lead singer?" At least that's what desperate to be hip Matt Sorum hopes I'm thinking right now. Well, dammit, their plan is working and I'm here in my bathrobe pondering "what-ifs" instead of watching Smokey and The Bandit again. At least Velvet Revolver will only leave us in suspense for a year, unlike another guy who we'll call Rxl Aose.

London LeGrand, perhaps? Awesome name, bizarre look and probably not doing anything other than hanging out with George Lynch in the Souls Of We and making his own assless chaps (see below). He also fronted that less awesome so-called "super group;" The Brides of Destruction. He should audition while George is on tour with Lynch Mob or busy menacing Don Dokken. Ahh, the new guy probably won't be London Legrand but if he gets the gig then you heard it from me first.

Fuck, how about Iggy Pop. Better voice than LeGrand and he could do some mean gyrating during "Let It Roll." Nah, that will never happen.

Corpse of Jim Morrison? Too dead

Pat Boone in his metal album guise? Nah, still Pat Boone.

Axl Rose? In a perfect world it would be Axl Rose. Joining VR would give him a good excuse to delay the release of Chinese Democracy until 2018. And if he joined VR then we wouldn't care about Chinese Democracy anyway. Two birds...one stone. The logic is flawless.


They would just need a new name, "Guns N' Revolvers?" Too Heston. "Velvet Roses?" Uhh, no. "Guns N' Roses? Maybe?



And now for the video. A fascinating story and Axl's future plans which sadly are still future plans.