A new line of demarcation separates the men from the boys and the candy-asses from Van Stone; assless chaps. Really, what questions could you possibly ask a bunch of manly John Wayne types in assless leather playing battle axes with strings? Blogs N' Roses couldn't send them pansy questions, so we pitched hardballs the whole interview. These questions would have broken lesser men, but Randy Van Stone proves once again that he is a jocular he-man and knocked 'em out of the park (after kicking them in the cajones first.)

I would recommend watching the video below the interview if you are not familiar with the nine million decibel glory of Palmdale California's number three rock n' roll band. This interview is highly offensive, so you should definitely forward it to your boss if you're reading at work.

Blogs N' Roses would like to thank Randy Van Stone for making this our most disgusting interview to date. Enjoy.

BnR: It looks like you guys briefly broke up last year. What's the deal with that?

RVS: After former lead rhythm guitarist Lonnie Van Stone quit the band to deal with issues related to his homosexuality and alcoholism, the other band members* (*Cliff Steinberger, lead lead guitar; Mr. Bonze, lead drums; Blackie Sawyer, lead bass.) felt they needed to distance themselves from the controversy. Since they also have drinking problems and butt-sex-related AIDS, some close-minded individuals might label them as "boozy homos," too. Fortunately, the latest incarnation of Van Stone are all dudes with serious whiskey dicks, so they are gay in spirit only. The New members are:
Stevie Peavy, lead rhythm guitar, PFC Kurt Gibson, lead lead guitar; Jerry Ramone (legally no relation), lead drums, JD Atkins, lead bass.

BnR: If Ed Sullivan had to film Elvis from the waist up,
how would he film Van Stone?

RVS: If someone dug Ed Sullivan's corpse from his grave  and re-animated him with the latest advances in science, he would have to film Van Stone with endoscopic cameras shoved into each member's dickholes.

BnR: Van Stone is one of the most conceptually perfect
bands this side of the Iron Curtain, who's idea was is to start a
sleaze band that wears assless chaps and plays axes?

RVS: So I guess that’s your sarcastic way of accusing us stealing the idea from a Siberian sleaze-band called “Iron Curtain”. Just cuz they wear assless chaps and play axes… and have a song called twenty-five rouble blow job.

BnR: World domination is certainly a possibility for a
band of this caliber. Would you still consider Van Stone the number
three band in Palmdale if you ruled the world?

RVS: That is something only the Palmdale Weekly can decide in their annual rankings. Windjammer is the odds-on
favorite for the number two slot, but the number one and number three positions are anyone's game. Now that
Ricky Skirge left Skirge to form Nu-Skirge, Skirge may cancel itself out. Fuck Skirge!

BnR: Pointy is the new black. Who makes your fantastic
guitars?

RVS: Jeff "Pointy" Black crafts our guitars at his metal shop out in Pearblossom. But "fantastic" is a stretch.
Designed to double as medieval weaponry, the guitars* are perhaps better served as instruments of death
rather than music.

*Axe-caliburTM, The Gun-tarTM, The Mace BaceTM,

BnR: Denim or leather? Studs or spikes? Heels or boots?
Halford or Lita Ford?

RVS: Denim and Leather. Not just a bad-ass tune from criminally overlooked metal band Saxon, but also a fail-safe fashion decision. Spikes. They serve the dual function of looking sharp and causing bodily harm, if necessary. Heels or boots? I don't have a shoe fetish, but our roadie Hawk is totally into Jogging socks and German sheissefilm. Fucking creep. Halford. Nothing is more metal than being gay or gayer than being metal. Cherie Currie is a fucking hot old
lady.

BnR: I'm sure this is not the first time you've answered
this question. 25 dollars seems a steep price to pay for a blowjob.
Are you getting ripped off or your money's worth?

RVS: 25 dollars might seem like a lot for a blowjob, if it just was for a standard beej. This chick sucks you off and corks your asshole with two fingers while she’s throating your unwashed cock, then swallows your load with a piss chaser. And I've got a punch card. Every tenth face fuck is free. Plus, that price includes a prostate exam, which is worth 25 bucks itself

BnR: Who would win a fight, Randy Van Stone or John
Rambo?

RVS: John Rambo has Special Forces training and a fancy knife he bought off the home shopping network. But Randy Van Stone is a fifth degree black belt in "Rockate," a fighting style he personally developed combing rock-and-roll with Okinawan karate. So…
John Rambo.

BnR: If Van Stone were a sexual position, what would it
entail?

RVS: Double anal penetration, robots, a midget, a step ladder, a car lighter, and a stick of gum (preferably juicy fruit). You do the Math.

BnR: Is it possible for any other band to succeed if
you take all the great song titles?

RVS: It's possible for other bands to suck-seed."2 in the Pink (1 in the Stink)," “$25 Blow Job”
"Show Us Your Tits(For Freedom)," "(Steve's Goin' On A) Beer Run!," "Skatetown (4 Wheels to Freedom)," Beer Gogglin' (Tonight!)" The only other poet-lyricist that comes close to such provocative song titles is Meatloaf.

BnR: The next question is is similar to question #9,
but it must be asked because we ask everyone.....If Van Stone were a
member of the A- team, which would it be and why? Keep in mind that
everyone wants to be Face.

RVS: Frankie "Dishpan" Santana… nuf said. Look him up.