Journey has recorded a new studio album with their new lead singer. The album, entitled "Revelations," will be sold exclusively through Wal-Mart.

The album is the first with the new leader singer, Arnel Pineda.

This is the perfect forum to explain what happened to Steve Perry. The man makes Roman Polanski look like a public figure. No one has spotted Steve Perry or talked to him in years. Even people who used to know Steve, haven't heard from him in decades. Behavior like this is only indicative of a recluse who prefers the mountains over civilization.

In the mountains, Mr. Perry raises his herd of prize-winning "screwin'" goat. He takes great pride in his goats. The goats were used as life models for the "muttonbone" inflatable, yet screwable, sheep. His primary sales contact works exclusively in West Virigina, where buisness is booming.

The difference in Perry's goats and regular goats is the firmness and tightness you would come to expect from the ex-Journey frontman. Steve was a perfectionist and a consumate showman on the stage, so why would you trust anyone else with your pleasure?

Next time a Journey song comes on the radio, bar jukebox, or your church organ, you tell them you know where Steve is. He is in the mountains fucking goats.

In the meantime, shop at Wal-Mart. Jesus does.