This week, Steve Jobs and the money grubbing hipsters at Apple (not to be confused with the money grubbing dorks at Microsoft) unveiled the iPod touch. This fantastic new device not only has that annoying touch screen like the iPhone, but offers wireless access to iTunes, YouTube access and other fantastic features. Due to some mysterious hipster force made possible by Steve Jobs' pact with Satan, the iPod Touch can detect and download the last 10 songs played at select Starbucks. (I know, it sounds like something I would make up but I'm not kidding, it really does that)

The good old fashioned iPod with the wheel is now known as the iPod Classic. I say good riddance, that wheel fucking sucked. Expect your old iPod to suddenly break withing the next month, as Steve's voodoo powers also give him control of planned obsolescence.

I really blame Bill Gates for this whole mess. It looks like he got a little too complacent in the last decade and missed the boat on this mp3 player hoopla. C'mon Bill, you let me down, and now I will have to live with the iPod Douche...