If you are not keeping track of the World Wrestling Entertainment organization lately, shame on you.  Many people have complained that they don't have the star power that they did in the eighties and nineties when Hulk Hogan and Stone Cold Steve Austin were a reflection of the times.  Hogan represented the "do your homework and take your vitamins" mentality of the Reagan-era conservative eighties, while Austin stood for the get drunk, slap your wife and shave your head views of the Clinton presidency.  What does the first decade of this millennium have to offer.  John Cena.  Cena is a jacked up wigger who can freestyle just as well as he can drop a steroid popping ape on his head with a fireman's carry.  The scary thing is that he is a perfect parallel to the current times.  If he had a chinstrap beard and was a few years older, he could probably be elected president.

Bn'R disclaimer: We realize that Bill Clinton didn't beat his wife, shave his head, or probably get excessively drunk, but there is truly no other way to better parallel Stone Cold mania in the nineties.  If you have a problem with this, fuck off.

Anyway, there is a point to this, the worst post ever.  Ozzy Osbourne himself will appear on Friday Night Smackdown, to perform his new single, "I Don't Wanna Stop". 

"Ozzy Osbourne will kick off his 2007 world tour when he performs two songs on the May 18 episode of The CW network's Friday Night SmackDown at Mariner Arena in Baltimore. Osbourne's new single, "I Don't Wanna Stop," will also serve as the official theme of WWE's May 20 Judgment Day pay-per-view event, which comes two days before the release of Ozzy's new album, Black Rain. Friday Night SmackDown airs at 8 p.m. EST."

If Ozzy was a wrestler, what would his gimmick be?  I'm thinking a crazy old man who speaks with an awful Cockney-esque accent.  He would have been feared in the 70s and 80s, but overexposure in the early 2000s would have ruined his reputation.  His valet would be an overbearing pain in the ass woman who never shuts the fuck up.