In a completely unconfirmed report, disgruntled former producer and heavy metal rasputin Bob Rock confirmed that Lars and 'Tallica would be ratcheting up their anti-copyright infridgement efforts with a lawsuit aimed at the elimination of all unauthorized uses of the Metallica name and logo. During their next world tour, elite members of the Metclub will be rounding up classy individuals who are "either tatooed or illegally emblazoned with the Metallica logo." While a bold and controversial move, this can be expected from the act that ruined Napster and legally attacks other bands claiming that only Metallica have the right to use certain chord changes in songs.


In those halcyon days before Bob Rock, monochrome album sleeves and 5 year tours, Metallica was an everyman's band. From their San Fransisco beachead, the beer and bootleg recordings flowed freely and no concessions were made to the image and money oriented mainstream. They were like the hippies of Thrash Metal, except unlike real hippies they drank more, hated everyone, wrote about death and never got fucked because they were hideous. Metallica were underappreciated leaders of a genre, but after some hit albums they became the money-hungry LA slime they railed against.


Lars didn't become a famous, bearded Danish tennis pro like his pappy, but instead sublimated his lust for international fame and world domination through his heavy metal fetish. It is only a matter of time before he starts rounding up Megadeth fans and placing them in goulags.